Bubba Claus: Was [Coco] Re: Louisiana

[jimcox at miba51.com]

Given this thread, I thought this was appropriate :)



 From Santa Claus:

I regret to inform you that, effective  immediately, I 
will no longer serve the States of Alabama, Georgia, 
Florida, North and South Carolina, Tennessee, Mississippi, 
Missouri, Texas, Oklahoma and Arkansas on Christmas Eve.

Due to the overwhelming current population of the earth, 
my contract was renegotiated by North American Fairies and 
Elves Local 209. As part of the new and better contract I 
also get longer breaks for milk and cookies so keep that 
in mind.

However, I''m certain that your children will be in good 
hands with your local  replacement, who happens to be my 
third cousin, Bubba Claus. His side of the family is from 
the South Pole.

He shares my goal of delivering toys to all the good 'ole 
boys and girls; however, there are a few differences 
between us.

Differences such as:

1. There is no danger of the Grinch stealing your presents 
from Bubba Claus.

He has a gun rack on his sleigh and a bumper sticker that 
reads: "These toys insured by Smith and Wesson."

2. Instead of milk and cookies, Bubba Claus prefers that 
children leave an RC cola and pork rinds [or a moon pie] 
on the fireplace.  And Bubba doesn't smoke a pipe. He dips 
a little snuff though, so please have an empty spit can 
handy.

3. Bubba Claus' sleigh is pulled by floppy-eared, flyin' 
coon dogs instead of reindeer. I made the mistake of 
loaning him a couple of my reindeer one time, and 
Blitzen's head now overlooks Bubba's fireplace.

4. You won't hear "On Comet, on Cupid, on Donner and 
Blitzen," when Bubba Claus arrives. Instead, you'll hear, 
"On Earnhardt, on Andretti, on Elliott and Petty."

5. "Ho, Ho, Ho!" has been replaced by "Yee Haw!" And you 
also are likely to hear Bubba's elves respond, "I her'd 
dat!"

6. As required by Southern highway laws, Bubba Claus' 
sleigh does have a Yosemite Sam safety triangle on the 
back with the words "Back Off."

7 . The usual Christmas movie classics such as "Miracle on 
34th Street" and "It's a Wonderful Life" will not be shown 
in your negotiated viewing area. Instead, you'll see "Boss 
Hogg Saves Christmas" and "Smokey! and the Bandit IV" 
featuring Burt Reynolds as Bubba Claus and dozens of state 
patrol cars crashing into each other.

And Finally,

8. Bubba Claus doesn't wear a belt. If I were you, I'd 
make sure you, the wife, and the kids turn the other way 
when he bends over to put presents under the tree.

Sincerely Yours,

Santa Claus