Bubba Claus: Was [Coco] Re: Louisiana

[Richard E. Crislip]

Hello jimcox at miba51.com

Oh My! That is great. I laughed my @%$#% off. Thank you.

On 12/24/03, jimcox at miba51.com wrote:
> Given this thread, I thought this was appropriate :)
> 
> 
> 
> From Santa Claus:
> 
> I regret to inform you that, effective  immediately, I 
> will no longer serve the States of Alabama, Georgia, 
> Florida, North and South Carolina, Tennessee, Mississippi, 
> Missouri, Texas, Oklahoma and Arkansas on Christmas Eve.
> 
> Due to the overwhelming current population of the earth, 
> my contract was renegotiated by North American Fairies and 
> Elves Local 209. As part of the new and better contract I 
> also get longer breaks for milk and cookies so keep that 
> in mind.
> 
> However, I''m certain that your children will be in good 
> hands with your local  replacement, who happens to be my 
> third cousin, Bubba Claus. His side of the family is from 
> the South Pole.
> 
> He shares my goal of delivering toys to all the good 'ole 
> boys and girls; however, there are a few differences 
> between us.
> 
> Differences such as:
> 
> 1. There is no danger of the Grinch stealing your presents 
> from Bubba Claus.
> 
> He has a gun rack on his sleigh and a bumper sticker that 
> reads: "These toys insured by Smith and Wesson."
> 
> 2. Instead of milk and cookies, Bubba Claus prefers that 
> children leave an RC cola and pork rinds [or a moon pie] 
> on the fireplace.  And Bubba doesn't smoke a pipe. He dips 
> a little snuff though, so please have an empty spit can 
> handy.
> 
> 3. Bubba Claus' sleigh is pulled by floppy-eared, flyin' 
> coon dogs instead of reindeer. I made the mistake of 
> loaning him a couple of my reindeer one time, and 
> Blitzen's head now overlooks Bubba's fireplace.
> 
> 4. You won't hear "On Comet, on Cupid, on Donner and 
> Blitzen," when Bubba Claus arrives. Instead, you'll hear, 
> "On Earnhardt, on Andretti, on Elliott and Petty."
> 
> 5. "Ho, Ho, Ho!" has been replaced by "Yee Haw!" And you 
> also are likely to hear Bubba's elves respond, "I her'd 
> dat!"
> 
> 6. As required by Southern highway laws, Bubba Claus' 
> sleigh does have a Yosemite Sam safety triangle on the 
> back with the words "Back Off."
> 
> 7 . The usual Christmas movie classics such as "Miracle on 
> 34th Street" and "It's a Wonderful Life" will not be shown 
> in your negotiated viewing area. Instead, you'll see "Boss 
> Hogg Saves Christmas" and "Smokey! and the Bandit IV" 
> featuring Burt Reynolds as Bubba Claus and dozens of state 
> patrol cars crashing into each other.
> 
> And Finally,
> 
> 8. Bubba Claus doesn't wear a belt. If I were you, I'd 
> make sure you, the wife, and the kids turn the other way 
> when he bends over to put presents under the tree.
> 
> Sincerely Yours,
> 
> Santa Claus
> 
Regards
-- 
Cruisen                                                         _|_
              on AutoPilot with an Amiga   ---o-( )-o---   and a CoCo
 
                                             Richard