[acimlessons_list] Lesson 197 - July 16

[Sue Roth]

Lesson 197 - July 16

It can be but my gratitude I earn

PRACTICE INSTRUCTIONS

PURPOSE: To realize the truth of today's idea, to realize that you don't
need visible gratitude from others, that your own gratitude for your gifts
is sufficient.

MORNING/EVENING QUIET TIME: At least five minutes; ideally, thirty or more.

Once again there are no specific instructions. The focus of the lesson is on
being grateful for the gifts that you give others, especially the gift of
forgiveness. Often, says the lesson, you will withdraw your gift of love and
forgiveness unless it is received with <external gratitude and lavish
thanks> (1:3). When you are tempted to withdraw your love, you should
realize that <your gratitude is all your gifts require> (3:3). You have the
right to be grateful, for your gifts are given to you. Also, remind yourself
that somewhere deep in your brother's mind, he is thanking you. And realize
that God Himself has received your gift and thankfully acknowledges it. So
instead of taking it back, be grateful to this brother of yours. Be grateful
for what he is, for the fact that, as part of your Self, he makes your Self
complete. How do you turn these ideas into a practice period? One
possibility is to search your mind for times when you felt that another
didn't show enough gratitude to you. With each case, repeat the idea,
realizing that your own gratitude is all your gift requires, and that by
snatching your gift away, you snatch it away from yourself. Then replace
your ingratitude with gratitude toward yourself and toward your brother, for
being part of your Self.

After spending time practicing gratitude in this way, you may want to spend
the rest of the practice period in meditation.

HOURLY REMEMBRANCE: One or two minutes as the hour strikes (reduce if
circumstances do not permit).

Search your mind for the happenings of the previous hour that are still
burdening your mind. With each one, let it go by repeating the idea. Realize
that you can give that situation the gift of love right now, and that the
only gratitude you need in return is your own. Response to temptation:
(Suggestion) whenever you feel incensed because another is not sufficiently
grateful to you. Repeat the idea, realizing that your gifts were received by
you, and that the only gratitude you require is your own.

COMMENTARY

This lesson identifies itself as <the second step> (1:1) in freeing our
minds from the belief in outside forces pitted against us. Yesterday's
lesson was the first step (W-pI.196.4:1 2). It taught us that our attacks
are always directed at ourselves, and that the attacks we thought were
coming from outside of ourselves were really coming from our own minds. In
other words, <It is impossible that you be hurt except by your own thoughts>
(W-pI.196.8:3). Today's lesson takes the other side of the coin: gratitude.
This is definitely a step beyond yesterday's lesson. We may understand that
our attack is coming from ourselves, and yet not realize that any gratitude
we receive is also coming from ourselves, and not from outside forces.

I remember attending a workshop of Ken Wapnick's with a friend, when Ken was
talking about how to respond to criticism and even outright attack from
people who were close to us. Ken's advice was to remember that such attacks
are just the other person's ego reacting to its perception of our ego;
<Don't take it personally,> Ken advised. The next day my friend went to Ken
with a personal issue. He'd begun to lead some groups in healing techniques,
and he had received many glowing compliments. He was worried that all the
praise (or gratitude) would go to his head. Ken's advice to him was quite
memorable, coming on the heels of the earlier advice about criticism: <Don't
take it personally!>

While some of us may have problems with receiving gratitude, we have a much
greater problem with not receiving it. Every Course student goes through the
experience of expressing love, kindness, and forgiveness to someone, only to
have it rejected or thrown back in their face. This lesson directly
addresses the way we react to such a situation. What we are being asked to
do is to express that kindness and love, to <give our gifts,> without any
attachment to the response of the other person. All the gratitude we
require, the lesson says, is our own gratitude for the opportunity of giving
and forgiving! (3:3). Gratitude does not come from outside us any more than
attack does.

If we fail to understand this, when someone fails to acknowledge our gifts,
we will typically react by taking them back. <Well, I tried to forgive you
and overlook your error, but if this is how you are going to treat me in
response, then to hell with you!> And quite obviously, our attempts at
kindness have turned into attack! (see 1:2 3).

The lesson says it quite directly: <It does not matter if another thinks
your gifts unworthy> (4:1). In other words, in our giving, let us be
completely unconcerned with the response of the person we are giving to, and
whether or not they express gratitude. Our giving to them is sufficient gift
to ourselves, and our own gratitude for the gift we have given is all that
we need. If we take back the gifts we give when they are not received with
<external gratitude and lavish thanks> (1:3), then we will always suspect
that God's gifts are equally undependable. If we take back our gifts, we are
taking them away from ourselves. I am the one who needs to be grateful for
the gift I have given, for I am the one who has received it! (3:5).

To help us understand why external gratitude isn't necessary, Jesus explains
that there is a part of the other person's mind that is grateful, even when
that isn't expressed outwardly (4:2). The other person's <right mind> is
very grateful to you for the gift, and receives it with thanks. The gift
will be held, waiting until the person is consciously ready to receive it.
As the Manual puts it: 

   No teacher of God should feel disappointed if he has offered
   healing and it does not appear to have been received. It is not
   up to him to judge when his gift should be accepted. Let him be
   certain it has been received, and trust that it will be accepted
   when it is recognized as a blessing and not a curse.  (M-6.2:7 9)

The Manual goes on in a way that very clearly echoes the thought we have
been discussing:

   It is not the function of God's teachers to evaluate the
   outcome of their gifts. It is merely their function to give
   them.    (M-6.3:1 2) 

This entire section of the Manual, and the one that follows, might be very
interesting reading in light of today's lesson. If we fail to learn this
second step, that gratitude as well as attack comes only from within
ourselves, we will forever be uncertain about the gifts of God (5:3).